I’ve sat down to write this blog post out three different times and have not been able to come up with the right words to explain how INCREDIBLY GRACIOUS the Lord has been to me over the last 2 months. I feel like no words are enough. No string of sentences can capture it. But Jesus has been cracking my mind and heart wide open, unveiling every part of my life and putting it on the table. He doesn’t think that my past is a burden to what He wants to do in and through me. He doesn’t see my sin as a disqualifying factor. He didn’t choose to use me life on the Gap Year because He felt sorry for me. No. He DEEPLY DELIGHTS in me. He gets great joy when He thinks of my life.
I am going to get honest right off the bat and tell you truthfully that I have always struggled with deeply desiring God’s will for my life, knowing in my heart the abundant joy it would bring, but letting the fear of the enemy sideline me. I had grown up for many years very afraid of ministry. I was petrified by the rejection, hurt, and discomfort that may come with it. I told myself that I was not the girl for the job. Not me, God. I’ll go to church. I’ll invite my friends. But to serve you with all my time, energy, money? I’m not good enough for that. Not strong enough.
The World Race was something that I first heard about and became interested in pursuing around three years ago at the end of my freshman year. At that point, it was something that I had written about in a journal but didn’t give much thought to. The Holy Spirit spent those three years gently convicting me at every turn, desiring my full surrender to God’s plan for my life. I spent three years being tugged between love and fear, finding refuge in the Lord’s unconditional, unashamed love at times but being paralyzed with anxiety at others. Then, less than two months ago I was in a camp service where Pastor Chris Durso was talking about the importance of the Word. of leaning into the Holy Spirit’s conviction. of knowing our identity is completely enveloped in what the Bible says about us. of being an obedient disciple of Jesus. I sat there and wept through the whole message. At the end, when he gave the congregation of 700 students a call to action at the altar, I ran. I fell on my knees before the Lord and prayed against all my fear that was keeping me from serving Him with my whole life. After an hour, I heard God command me to do something. Loud and clear. Apply.
When I got home, I told my parents, pastors, small group leaders, mentors all the same thing. I knew what I had to do.
“I have to go.”
And so I went. Sorta. I went to the World Race Gap Year page and applied to the Activation Route. BUT, my deposit is down. I’ve renovated my life to make room for a 9 month trip around the globe. I’ve built my prayer team. Spoken life (instead of the familiarity of fear) over and over these next two years. I am going. Because I have seen more in two months than in my whole life what God can do with a yes. When I said yes to being baptized when I got home, I saw Him change my life and heal my heart some more. When I said yes to hosting a small group, I saw Him bring hurting people into my heart and my life. And when I said yes to joining 45 other people on a nine month journey across the globe, I saw Him transform my thoughts on how the Lord sees His children. I now know He wants to use me. He delights in using me for His Kingdom. All this time and He was just waiting on my surrender. He was just waiting on my yes.
If you want to join me in saying yes to what God wants to do in mine and my squad’s life over the next year as we prepare. If you want to say yes to what God wants to do in and through us in Guatemala, South Africa, Thailand, and Cambodia. You can do that by giving and praying. Everything that God asks me to do, I want to say yes to. You may not be the one taking an 80L hiking bag and 45 Jesus freaks to the other side of the world, but He wants to use your yes. Join me and my squad by supporting us with your prayer and your finances. We are so thankful that we woke up today and said yes to Jesus.
“We are co-workers in God’s service. You are God’s field, God’s building.” – 1 Corinthians 3:9
